Sometimes, when you lose track of the good things in your life, it's best to look back on where you came from and where you are now. To see where you started from, how far you've come, and even how far back you've gotten with distractions and the negative things of the world. It was good to look back for me.

I read a poem I had written almost two years ago about Alex. It was about how much I wanted him to help me and how highly I thought of him, but I was too scared to go to him. Funny how it was written the day before he did ask me out. He was and still is very sweet and kind. I'd never really had that from another person before. It was different and I liked it, but I was so scared that he didn't actually feel the same way when I told him I liked him. I thought I was too late when he did nothing after I told him. It was amazing how happy I was that Monday morning when he whispered in my ear, "Will you go out with me?" I couldn't ask for anything better. He chose me. What more could I ask for in that moment? When I remembered that, I remembered all the reasons I love Alex. I don't want to live my life looking back on the mistake of putting him first instead of God and destroying such a good thing in my life. I truly love Alex and I have to give him to God instead of holding on too tight with my selfishness.

Here's the poem: Ah! What a beautiful rose he has come to be. I love the way his eyes make me feel. I've watched him through lifeless eyes. Now I sit wondering what he must see. I've wanted him to give breath back to me. He has started to give so much, but stays far away. I know there isn't a will to ask for his help. Roses have a dark side, too. The thorns upon the stem. The thorns.